This story comes from my friends Colin and Ryne, and from me. They are responsible for the high quality of the tale. I am responsible for the low quality of the execution. Anyway, Storytime.
A night of restless sleep with bath towels for mattresses and winter coats they’d surely never need again for blankets, a Sunday trip to Ikea that introduced them to the competitiveness of Bay Area carsharing, (the only pickup truck Zipcar still had available was in Dublin, at the far end of a BART line) and a celebratory dinner of pupusas and Anchor Steam prepared Jim Brightest and Devonte Best for their first workdays.
Jim Brightest owned two full suits. The white and green seersucker was for the summer, for parties he only realized he could go to after three years of college. It had been a gift from a friend who was the grandson of a senator from Alabama, as a thanks for providing Detroit-tested advice on turning out African Americans in a Republican primary. The black one was for work. He wore it with a pink shirt and pastel green tie, as sharp as he could muster for real work. He knew slacks and a shirt was acceptable attire for paralegals at Jones Hernandez, he had done two summer internships there. But for the first day, he decided to dress up just a bit.
He caught the inbound F, the heritage streetcar, at 15th and Sanchez. The vintage Toronto Transit Commission car was a special treat for a special day, he told himself. See the city go by early in the morning. He sat down in the back, next to the original English/French/Portuguese emergency exit signs. He got off at Third and walked the two blocks to the office tower. Seven news trucks were parked out front.
He pushed past them, catching snippets of the live reports along the way. “It’s unclear how the indictment...” “57 million dollars worth of live crabs…” “cache of assault weapons large enough to overthrow…” “Yes, Tex, I did say crabs.”
Inside the lobby, he looked up at the TV. On CNN, there was a picture of the Democratic candidate for Governor of California. He was smiling in the picture, but the US attorney walking up to the podium on the other half of the screen was not. “The United States is disappointed today to announce an indictment against Max Hernandez. The lawyer and politician is charged with one count of importation of firearms without a license. However, the criminal conspiracy he was involved in is vast, and we are still untangling its threads. It is clear, however, that Mr. Hernandez used the offices of his law firm, Jones Hernandez, to traffic firearms illegally to help sustain gang wars from California to Chicago. We believe that he is also responsible for some ten percent of the illegal firearms exports to Mexico from the Unites States. Additionally, we have seized 57 million dollars worth of live crabs which Mr. Hernandez surreptitiously labeled ‘aquarium fish.’ We believe he was planning to sell them to Chinese Mob-controlled markets. I will now read off the list of all thirty-five other people we have indicted and about three hundred unindicted co-conspirators.”
And then there were Federal Marshals everywhere, and then there was a notice on the door, and it said that the law office had been seized. The cases that would follow from the massive indictment (United States vs. Two Floors in a Commercial Building and United States vs. Approximately 4.75 Million Dungeness Crabs, More or Less) would set fundamental precedents in Asset Forfeiture law.
The email that popped up on his phone two minutes later confirmed Jim Brightest’s worst fears. “Without my knowledge, the office space of Jones Hernandez was apparently used to conduct a scheme of some sort. I believe that Max Hernandez will be fully vindicated in court, and that our office will be as well. However, since the FBI has seized all of our files and computer systems, we are suspending all operations, effective immediately. All non-partner staff are laid off, effective immediately, with one week's pay. As soon as we are able to resume operations, you will be hired back. If there is anything I can do to help you or your family in this difficult time, please don’t hesitate to tweet @ me, @JonseyLaw. Best, Sean Jones.”
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